I need something interesting in my life now asap. Right now, I feel like I’m just going through the motions of life and not experiencing it… nothing in particular makes me happy, neither are there things that cause me to feel sad. It makes me kind of miss going to school since I get varied emotions as I go about doing daily activities…hmmm I really don’t know what to do with myself.

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Music and thoughts

Somebody buy me their album please 😦 It’s so hard to resist the temptation to buy when I’m trying to save money for the Taiwan trip :((

Going back to the good old days when boy bands like FOB, MCR, Secondhand serenade, TDCC etc were the epitome of music. Listening to their albums brought back a lot of past memories, especially A Twist In My Story. Fuck, memories from 7 years ago also can remember.

Veering totally off the topic of music, I saw this article a few days ago.

http://thoughtcatalog.com/laura-jane-williams/2015/02/i-flew-halfway-across-the-world-to-tell-a-man-i-loved-him/

“I’m writing this down now to say, to you: be brave. Say how you feel. Speak up. That person you are thinking of as you read this? Call them. Write them. Visit them. Make it happen. You can wonder, or you can know. Offer your love. Your respect. Your admiration. Thoughts whispered out loud become truths. Feelings shouted louder become empowerment.”

You know how people always have some sort of motto in their life. I decided I should have one too (copycat only), so that I have some form of direction. I decided that mine was to make sure I did the things that I know I will come to regret if I didn’t do it.

Examples?

You want to climb that bloody fence, and act like a badass kid? Do it.

You want to confess to a guy you like but you’re full of uncertainties PLUS you are a girl so DIE also cannot say first? Fuck you, do it.

You want to punch that bastard who’s been making your friend feel less than who she is? You know you need to do it even if you’re the one who ends up with a broken nose.

You feel like flying half way across the world to tell a man you loved him? Do it lah, who’s stopping you sia.

Bottom line is, being irrational, to me, is not a bad attribute. I don’t want to grow up thinking “Oh how I wish I had the courage to do it when I had the chance to.” which is also aka REGRETTING.

I’ve said my piece, now let me get back to listening FOB.

What I think of my classmates

I’ve been wondering what kind of content I should blog about for this post. There isn’t much to say about my life as of now since I’m working all day everyday in this cubicle (of which half the time was spent using my phone and reading CNN articles). Just like what Shirlynn said, 这里是闷到连苍蝇也没得打.
So this time round, I’ll be writing a list of personal thoughts about each and every classmate in 13S48 that I had the pleasure of interacting with for the past 2 years. I won’t state names but I will state their gender. I hope I can still remember who I’m talking about 10 years from now haha. Here goes.
Girl #1
I admire her tenacity when the odds are stacked against her. Even though it might not be obvious, I’ve see instances that show how determined she can be so that shit gets done (econs lessons -.-). She is a strong individual, appreciates those around her and is a good sister.
Girl #2
She’s really easy to get along because of her friendly disposition. She doesn’t attract much trouble to herself but those who are close to her seems to always get into messy and gossip worthy situations haha. She always says that she’s stupid but imo, she soaks up info really fast so people would be the stupid ones to underestimate her.
Girl #3
First impression: Boring. Later I realise that she’s a fun person to converse with. She gives funny comments and talks about her lofty dreams every so often. I’m pretty sure she’ll make it big when she grows up.
Girl #4
This girl can sometimes be overbearing to the point that makes my blood boils. Even if I tell her off she probably won’t realise what she did wrong. She’s very opinionated and always think that she’s right. However, we’re contantly on the same wavelength and her presence makes my day less stressful since she’s fun to be around with.
Girl #5
I’ve seen different sides of her that are quite contrasting. Out of all of that, I admire how she doesn’t bad-mouth a person who’s hated by everyone else, is nice to those whom she cares for and gives zero fucks for those who annoys her.
Girl #6
This girl hides her thoughts really well and can appear to be an easy-going person.That doesn’t mean she’s dangerous or two-faced because she really is an out-going person. I think she’s more of a private extrovert I guess.
Girl #7
There shouldn’t be anything bad happening to this girl since she prolly gathered a whole lifetime of good karma. Super polite, helpful and responsible. (and also very easy to guess who she is)
Girl #8
This girl and I have this strange level of understanding between each other. I can’t put my finger on what it is but when we have a conversation, she gives mature and insightful thoughts and I really respect that. She’s also very sensitive towards people around her. It’s a real pity that we don’t talk to each other as often in school.
Girl #9
It’s very hard to talk to this girl because her way of communicating is vastly different from others. Sometimes I feel offended by her comments about my friends and I but I guess they’re all just bad delivered jokes. Nontheless, she’s still a good person.
Girl #10
I’ll be the first to admit that the bad blood between this girl and I is wholly my own fault. I’m thankful for that because it made me more mature and more aware of my actions and its consequences. For the past two years, I couldn’t really talk to her because she reminds me of how mean I was and that made me really guilty.
Girl #11
She’s very competitive but other than that, she has an amiable and endearing personality. That’s assuming if I’d gotten to know her better. I wished I had more to talk about her but I really don’t have any haha.
Guy #1
He blurs the line of being egoistic and being confident which is why he can be fun to hang out with. He’s prolly one of the lazier pricks in class (including myself) and he is super judgemental. He’s also the one that subtly influenced me to mix up my personal pronouns ( he&she etc.)
Guy #2
I tried to understand this guy, I really did. I told someone in the class that he seems like a complex person but she said that he’s actually quite simple-minded. There are many times when I feel that he is thinking much deeper than what he’s saying and I wanted to try and understand him (cue kaypoh). But one day I caught myself and decided to stop trying.
Guy #3
It’s inevitable that people change. I don’t think I did in the period that we were friends but he did and I kind of came to terms with it.
Guy #4
It always tickles me how awkward he is to almost everyone in the class. When you talk to him, he gives the most retarded replies and comments. So much so that you want laugh and strangle him at the same time. He’s a good guy nonetheless.
Guy #5
It’s always fun when I’m around this dude. We have different personalities and backgrounds but both of us are stupidly childish. I like that he can be real when we’re around each other, talking shit about people and lamenting how life always suck for us. Sometimes, I feel really lucky to have him as a friend because he’s a great person, intelligent yet humble at the same time.
Guy #6
I told my senior, “I would have really liked him if he was taller.” Pardon me for my superficial comment but to be honest, this guy has qualities that I like in a guy. Funny, witty and takes everything in stride. When I’m lucky enough to see him in a serious mode, he gives thought-provoking comments that really surprises me and it showed me that he’s not just all fun and games.
Guy #7
Our personlities fit like two neighbouring puzzle pieces. But then again, he’s a social butterfly so his puzzle piece probably has a lot of sides that fits to other people as well haha. Overall, he’s just a super nice guy la nuff said. I personally think he’s very adaptable and mature, that’s why it’s super comfortable to have h2h talk with him.
Guy #8
This guy is really one of a kind. I’ve never seen this kind of enthusiastic personality before. He can be quite an airhead sometimes but other times he can be sensitive towards his friends. Super gentleman also. I hope he gets a girlfriend, then I can grill him and see him getting awkward haha.
Guy #9
I think this guy is being misunderstood by some people in the class. He’s actually very nice and a good person to have a conversation with. There was this one time when he took initiative and tap my back to talk to me even though we weren’t even that close. I was pleasantly surprised because if the roles were reversed, I would not have approached him and purposely walk slower.
Guy #10
Nothing to talk about this guy. It’s a privilege that i typed 17 words about him here.
Guy #11
He can be racist and judgemental but it’s all in good fun. He can be overy self-critical but that is probably what will make him succeed. Sometimes I feel like he needs to take a chill pill because he’s like a typical Singaporean, damn kiasi. But he’s super generous and helpful to his friends so I quite lucky la haha
Guy #12
Ummm this guy is like a typical guy I guess? He can be quite rude. There was this one time when a classmate was down for GP remedial and he said, “Who the hell goes for GP remedials.” Even though it wasn’t me, I felt insulted.

That’s the end of it! Whew. Thanks to all these people, I had a shitload of fun in school. Hope we can still get together once in a while when we’re adults. Sighpie. Hope la okay, hope.

Part of me, no, more like 99% of me knew what the answer was going to be.

Despite that, I still needed to hear it first hand. I guess I was selfish in a way because in order to get myself a proper answer, the other person know about something that’s better off not knowing.

That moment when I felt relief instead of disappointment was when I realise that it’s not it. Never was, never will be.

I probably did it to help myself, so that I can rid the thoughts at the back of my mind. I really am a selfish bitch.