Posted onMay 24, 2015
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Nothing. Nothing ever felt as remotely hurtful as those words you thoughtlessly said. You might think that I went on to curse you after I locked myself inside the room. I went behind the doors because that was the only stupid way I know that could prevent those words from reaching me. I’ve surrendered to the fact that it’s impossible to have a rational conversation with you because all that you can ever say is based on the biased emotions you feel in the heat of the moment.
I’ve lost count of the nights that ended like this one today…Nights that don’t make me wish for death, nights that make me wish I wasn’t born in the first place.
Yo I’m back. Finally met up with Jolyn, Ying and Mich ytd after like 1 year?? We went to cq to have some dim sum at a restaurant called xinyue. Their dim sum is so freaking delicious?!?! And it’s super worth our money since we bought the groupon for it. Each of us ended up paying $14 for high quality food when the actual total bill came up to $94 hehe. The cheapo auntie in me feels extremely satisfied. We then walked around and chatted. As usual, I feel super at ease when I’m with them but omg I miss them so muchhh. I might not show it but I really do miss the times when we met each other every single day in school hahah. When it was time to leave, 心里有许多不舍, still wanna sit by the river side and chill with them. Hope we can meet up soon.
Anyway, I went to an alcohol buffet later in the night. It was cool but service was slow. They were extremely short staffed. Not the best dining experience but it was made up with good company.
Also, yesterday was my last zouk session before I forgo any sort of nightlife and get down to work. Rishabh and I had fun there but the crowd wasn’t as enthusiastic as expected. Most of the people were just nodding to the music and not really dancing. They didn’t even bother raising their hands when the beat was going to drop haiz.
Despite that, Rishabh and I danced like it was our last night on earth haha. We jumped onto platforms and danced while others looked (or stared) at us. We also went to Velvet Underground and danced like stupid fools. At one point in time in Velvet Underground, the crowd dispersed and everyone just stood along the sides while Rishabh, me and another cool looking girl danced to the music. It was embarrassing, scary yet fun at the same time.
While I was dancing, I didn’t really have to care about guys trying to hit on me since I was wearing a denim shirt, shorts and sneakers. I KNOW. Everyone must be thinking I’m crazy to wear that to a club but it was an impromptu decision whoops. Anyway, since my attire basically screams ‘Idgaf about boys!’ compared to girls wearing bandage skirts and all, I can dance and drink comfortably.
Talking about drinks, we order this cool drink called Lamborghini after watching some girls drink it. That shit is potent man but y’all should really try it. It makes you feel like a badass hahaha
Anyway, I crashed at rishabh’s dorm after the night ended. Twas was a great day.
Failure is not an easy thing to accept let alone embrace. It was especially hard for me when I was in pri/sec school as I had very high expectations for myself then. However, throughout the tiring period of Sec2-Jc2, the experience of being slapped in the face by countless number of failures has made me numb. Now, I’ve learnt to have no expectations of myself so that experiencing failure doesn’t sting as much.
Having said that, there are still occurences which makes me feel like a total loser. A splendid example would be this week. This week had been torturous, I flunked two major exams on separate days and I stress ‘MAJOR’.
I’m honestly starting to doubt myself after this week. My attitude, capabilities, intelligence…are they all inferior to others? If not then why can’t I accomplish the task that seems so easy to others?
Okay I just realised that I instinctively compared myself to others. I should probably stop doing that. I just feel very disappointed in myself.
‘Comparison is the thief of joy’ -Theodore Roosevelt.
Something to keep in mind.
I need something interesting in my life now asap. Right now, I feel like I’m just going through the motions of life and not experiencing it… nothing in particular makes me happy, neither are there things that cause me to feel sad. It makes me kind of miss going to school since I get varied emotions as I go about doing daily activities…hmmm I really don’t know what to do with myself.
Somebody buy me their album please😦 It’s so hard to resist the temptation to buy when I’m trying to save money for the Taiwan trip :((
Going back to the good old days when boy bands like FOB, MCR, Secondhand serenade, TDCC etc were the epitome of music. Listening to their albums brought back a lot of past memories, especially A Twist In My Story. Fuck, memories from 7 years ago also can remember.
Veering totally off the topic of music, I saw this article a few days ago.
“I’m writing this down now to say, to you: be brave. Say how you feel. Speak up. That person you are thinking of as you read this? Call them. Write them. Visit them. Make it happen. You can wonder, or you can know. Offer your love. Your respect. Your admiration. Thoughts whispered out loud become truths. Feelings shouted louder become empowerment.”
You know how people always have some sort of motto in their life. I decided I should have one too (copycat only), so that I have some form of direction. I decided that mine was to make sure I did the things that I know I will come to regret if I didn’t do it.
You want to climb that bloody fence, and act like a badass kid? Do it.
You want to confess to a guy you like but you’re full of uncertainties PLUS you are a girl so DIE also cannot say first? Fuck you, do it.
You want to punch that bastard who’s been making your friend feel less than who she is? You know you need to do it even if you’re the one who ends up with a broken nose.
You feel like flying half way across the world to tell a man you loved him? Do it lah, who’s stopping you sia.
Bottom line is, being irrational, to me, is not a bad attribute. I don’t want to grow up thinking “Oh how I wish I had the courage to do it when I had the chance to.” which is also aka REGRETTING.
I’ve said my piece, now let me get back to listening FOB.
That’s the end of it! Whew. Thanks to all these people, I had a shitload of fun in school. Hope we can still get together once in a while when we’re adults. Sighpie. Hope la okay, hope.